One last post of 2009

I just watched Julie and Julia and decided to stop neglecting this beautiful blog I made many moons ago.

Lots has changed since my last posting. I have a job, I'm not miserable, I lost some weight and there's snow on the ground. I think that pretty much sums up my progression in life thus far.

It is Christmas for 3 more minutes.

Tomorrow I will be hitting the shops at Freehold Raceway Mall with my trusty shopping companion- my mother. I am in search of snow boots and a better ski/winter jacket in preparation for my trip to Chicago/Michigan! I could not be happier to escape the east coast. After some less-than-perfect commuting experiences (yes I'm talking about you, NJ Transit) and fighting through the manic bustle of midtown Manhattan at Christmas time I would love nothing more than to be trapped in a cabin in the woods. I usually am adverse to the idea of that kind of seclusion. I mean if some wack-a-doodle comes on over and decides to recreate a couple of scenes from the movie Scream, no one will hear me scream. Sound reasoning, I know. If I could escape paranoia, I would, but until then this is what I have to deal with.

I am also paranoid my luggage will be lost since my sister (who jumped the pond to England for Christmas with her English hubby) had her luggage misplaced by the airlines and as a result has to dress in her mother-in-laws' stand-bys. Clearly I must learn my lesson and precautionary steps must be taken in my packing efforts.

Goal: Fit everything for a week in very cold, wintery climate into one carry on bag.

Reality: Never gonna happen. Must face my fear of losing luggage with a couple extra pairs of underpants stashed in my purse.

What I'm actually worried about more than not getting my luggage when I get off the plane is the trouble I might face getting on the plane, meaning security might be more strict and generally annoying now that this bozo decided to commit an act of terrorism on a flight to Detroit.

I don't mean to end on a downer.

Watch, the trip will be easy as pie and I won't run into one complication on my journey.

We'll see.

I did it- I got not one but two interviews the following week after I made the bet with my sister! (See entry below for details) It came as a total surprise really, I got a call from the Manhattan Theatre Club about a position I applied for a while ago, and that same day on a whim I applied for a job on Craigslist and got an immediate response for an interview. After a morning of job searching online I went to get a massage at massage envy, and low and behold when I stepped outside I realized I had a missed call from a New York number and voice mail asking me to come in for a job interview. I was ecstatic, I couldn't wait to call my sister. After the two interviews, I don't think I'll take either of the jobs because they're really not what I'm looking for, but I'm still grateful that they happened because they gave me hope and made me realize that not everyone laughs at my resume when I submit it for jobs. Tomorrow I have a meeting with a temp agency in NY and another on Monday. I'm really hoping that these two lead to something that pays. That's what I need, to find a paying job.

Shopper's delight

I had a break through today. It came unexpectedly when my sister came home from work and realized she didn't have the key to her apartment. She had to wait over an hour for her husband to come home so I suggested I pick her up and we hang out since she had a rough day. We headed for the local mall. After a stop at Starbucks, a waltz through Victoria's Secret (which unfortunately has tacky incredibly sexual innuendos on all of their clothes, which mostly preteens buy) and a disappointing mosey through Gap, we decided to drool over all the clothes we try to convince ourselves we can afford at Anthropologie.

Amongst the ruffles knitwear and beading, I feel in love. With a jacket. A beautiful cape jacket I imagined myself strolling around New York in with elbow length gloves and jean colored leggings. Imagining was as close I was going to be unless I wanted to make a serious dent in my savings. My sister, aware of my new heartbreak after seeing the price tag, made me a promise. She said if I could get an interview for a full time job in the next week, she would purchase the coat for me.

I have found my inspiration. Something to keep me going after weeks of little hope in terms of job prospects, I have something to remind myself that this hunt is difficult but I must prevail. Even beyond the following week, I have a reminder of what I'm really working towards. The coat is really symbol of the person I'd like to become: an independent, well dressed woman who is making progress in her life. A woman who knows what she wants and is on her way to achieving it.

I printed out a full page image of the coat and tacked it to the bulletin board above my computer. Everyday the head-less mannequin looks at me and reminds me why I wake up in the morning and spend hours on the computer re-writing cover letters and scouring the Internet. I have a long ways to go, and in order to get there I need to keep working and stay focused. So for now: Happy hunting! And even happier dreaming.

Back to Massachusetts

This weekend I visited David again in Pittsfield, MA again. This town is a bit random but still somehow charming. We visited Jacob's Pillow, a dance theater in the Berkshires we did some serious hiking and saw a bunch of waterfalls, last night we saw A Streetcar Named Desire and went to the opening night party. It was great, I love visiting this area, there's always something to do. Tonight there's going to be an ultimate frisbee game where the theaters in the area compete against each other, I'm pumped, I miss playing ultimate.

Before I left for Mass I saw the movie Julie & Julia. I loved it, it made me so nostalgic for Paris and cooking. I want to go see it again. I feel connected to Amy Adam's character. I need more purpose in my life, more specifically for this blog. I need an angle. Let the brainstorming session commence.

Ok so I need a job. I have a video camera and editing software. I love to eat and I love clothes. I'm obsessed with trying to lose weight but often get frustrated and fall off the wagon. I can't wait to move out of New Jersey. But I have very little money, like most people my age. I work at a theater when everyone is off work. Hm, I just sound like a wreck, I'm not too sure what could come out of this mess. There has to be some hidden potential somewhere.

Ok lets start again, I like to make videos but I don't like seeing myself on camera right now. I love clothes and finding trends. I enjoy finding discounts and staying healthy. I sometimes act like a personal stylist for friends who need direction with their wardrobe. Nothing makes me necessarily credible source on the topic, except that I've watched a disgusting amount of What Not to Wear TV episodes and people usually compliment me on my clothes. Hmm... Maybe I'll do little web-isodes related to style... I can try to see what the trends are locally, where I live. Also incorporate me helping my friends.. Hm I feel like I still need more focus. And a name .. I think I'm going to have to mull this over for a little while before I come to any further decisions.

In the mean time, I'm going to make another trip to the movie theater...

I quit my job. That was a while ago. It was time to leave. Now I'm back on the job hunt which is frustrating and irritating at best. I got a speeding ticket too, that really stinks because I have no day job to pay it off with.

I am working part time though. I sell tickets to the old and senile. I wonder how much longer I'll be able to stand living in New Jersey. I have a feeling it might be for under a year. I'm scared of being sucked into the vortex of living at home. I don't think that's possible for me since I can barely stand it at the moment. I have been so indecisive lately. I can't figure out what I want to do with myself right now. It's more frustrating than it sounds. I'm suppose to be enjoying my summer but instead I've been stressed out and have not visited the beach nearly as often as I'd intended. I have no tan, which isn't that surprising with my pale skin, but I should at least look partially red by now. I am just pale. It's the end of July and I'm frustrated and pale. This is not how it was suppose to go. I don't really know how it was suppose to go.

I shouldn't be writing this blog now, I'm tired and lagging sufficient sustinance. I ate a brownie for lunch and I'm still hungry. Problem. It's a beautiful day outside and I'm stuck inside on a Saturday. Problem.

I think I need to dive off the deep end. I've been too wishy-washy for far too long. Maybe I'm waiting for something, maybe something is coming and I'm suppose to wait for it to hit me and see the next step of where I'm suppose to go.

Maybe not.

In recovery

Finally! The Internet! I have been waiting for this. I have been sitting in the house on my butt for two days recovering from my wisdom teeth surgery without access to the internet or any decent Netflix rentals to watch at home. Of course. Just my luck.

On the other hand, I have discovered my mother's secret talent. All these years she has been holding out on me. That woman can make one hell of a delicious smoothie/shake. Thank god, because that is all I have been eating for the past two days with the exception of the occasional soup.

I think the Percocet is making me sentimental because I decided it would be a great idea to buy the first season of Felicity. A stroke of brilliance really. I forgot how much I loved watching TV shows about young women trying to find their identity amidst a backdrop which so perfectly captures the essence of 90s pop culture (vis a vis My So Called Life, come on, you know exactly what I'm talking about). Granted in the beginning Felicity does show severe signs of stocker-itis, but she's just trying to find out where she fits in, in this great big world of oversized knit sweaters, pig tails and butterfly hair clips. I mean, can you really blame her? I am almost nostalgic for the days of telephones with spiraled cords and the occasional beeper. It made checking your voice mail so much more exciting when you couldn't tell who called you. Not to mention prank calling games were more successful.

Who am I kidding, I just barely survived sans Internet access for merely two days before the fix-it guy stopped by this morning. The damage has been done, the jury's out: I'm a wired girl for life. But that doesn't mean I can't bust out an old pair of worn doc martins and reminisce.

Wait, this isn't what I ordered

I must admit I have been busy lately. Be careful what you wish for. I have a job (although it's temporary) and possibly another part-time one on the way. Yet I still feel almost as hopeless as I did when I was without a job and stranded at my house. I sit at a desk by myself, people only walk by on their way to the printer in the back. I usually have nothing to do and decide my time would be better spent online shopping. This is a bad decision. Spending the money whilst I earn it. Is that irony? More like inconvenience.

Also to waste time while I'm at work I read books.

I'm currently in the middle of 5 books.

I don't know what caused my book reading hysteria. They're not even in the same medium. Two paper books, one I read on my iTouch, and two are audiobooks. It's totally irrational and I can't get myself to do anything about it. Fortunately I'm nearly finished with two. There are litterally 5 books sitting on my night stand. Maybe I'm subconsciously feeling book deprived since I no longer work in a library. I wish that was my job. I hate what I'm doing, which is nothing, that is until my supervisor remembers I'm back here and orders me to do some random task like organize the mess that is their office. And the 50 something year old "intern" who I periodically share this office with can't stop speaking all of her thoughts out loud. She is freaked out today because she thinks life is too short and she's going to die soon because one of her co-workers passed away. Clearly I need a new job.

God this post sounds so sad. I don't think of myself as sad or depressed. I just decided to get two big chocolate chip cookies and a mocha latte at Panera because it seemed like a good idea and I heard someone say they were having a special on it. It's not like I'm an emotional eater who can't even keep her keyboard clean because she always manages to get crumbs all over it. Honestly. I clean it every day because I take care of my belongings.

Maybe I should just get one more cookie for the road. I do have a long drive home. And I won't be able to eat anything like this for a while since I'm getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow. See? I clearly do not have a problem.

I think a new ice cream shop just opened up my house.. maybe I can try it when I get home.

I keep telling myself I'm going to update this thing and then when I finally make it up stairs to my room, I'm too tired to do anything else but sync my iPod and fall asleep! I need those Podcasts for the trips to and from work, don't ya know!

This is going to have to wait another day. There is hope for tomorrow! Hope that I won't get a speeding ticket and will not be bored and in solitude at work. But more on that later.

The time has come to catch Zs.

When you least expect it

I have spent weeks sitting alone in my house job searching with disappointing results. Monday I finally decided it would be good to get out of the house and do something else for a change, so I went to my sister's 7th grade classroom and helped her finish some end of term busy work. That night I went into the city to see my friend Cara. She created this piece of theater called Better Not Touch That and hosted a party to raise money for the show which will go up in the Fall. My friend Erica and I went to the benefit at this cool little bar called The Living Room in the east village after getting tapas at this great little cuban place (of course that was not nearly enough to satisfy Erica and I's appetite so we had to grab some late-night sushi after the show). A couple of great blue grass bands played which were sporadically joined by this awkward kind-of-hipster-crowd-dancing couple unfortunately. Fortunately, I drank enough that I didn't care, anyways I was so happy to have an excuse to go into the city.

Low and behold the next day I get a call with a job offer, for a job that starts tomorrow. Weird how these things work. It's so obvious now; you have to get out and forget about your day to day work every once in while. I think job searching is like watching water boil, it wont happen until you step away and leave it alone for a little while.

Oprah shmopra, she's gone cray cray

I found this article when I was in Barnes and Nobles, it had a huge tear stained picture of Oprah on the cover, so of course I grabbed it and flipped straight to the cover story.

I wonder if her brainwashed followers really believe everything she says. I've got a box of sweater capes and aged red wine that says they do.

Let me tell you something about our family, we are thick as thieves

This is an extra special post because it's my first post from my shiny new MacBook Pro. I can't wait to do all the fun cool kid mac stuff like make movies and .. and well make movies.. I don't know, I'm still figuring it out. I need someone to explain this time capsule thing to me again. Act like I'm a 1st grader, very plain and simple. Maybe that will work.

Still on the job hunt, I feel like I've been getting no where fast for the past month. I don't know how much longer I can last staying at home all day with out a car. That coupled with the fact that it's been raining pretty consistently for over a week means I'm probably gonna start looking a lot like Alice Ripley's character in Next to Normal. But I guess that's not the worst thing since she did just win a Tony award for her performance. It could be worse. I could not have wireless internet like last year and have to stalk wifi coffee houses all day.

At least then I had a car.

It would just be nice to have human interaction during the day you know? I can only pretend to be friends with the Real Housewives of Orange County for so long before my bank account fake implodes. But then I could say, "My bank accounts as big as her bubbies."

That sounds really bizarre unless you know the quote I'm referencing. This is what my life has come to, re inventing quotes from a spin-off of a spin-off of a spin-off of a spin-off of a spin-off of a Bravo reality TV show.

Time to go back to job searching.

Still trying to upload the video I made :( Why is this not working?

On Broadway

I finally got a chance to go into the city and see a show again! I thought the day would never come. We went to see West Side Story, I really enjoyed it and I even made a little video to go with it! Weird, I know it, but you'll get use to it! (SHH reference anyone?) My only major qualm was if it was necessary to add in the whole ballet sequence during the reprise of Someday, I mean sharks and jets dancng happily with each other? C'mon we get it, they want everyone to get along, it's cliché enough, do you have to also make them hold hands while they jeté?

Now I want to make the cooking show thing happen... Meanwhile I still have about 5 plays I'm dying to see, the next one has to be Next to Normal, I can't wait any longer to see it. I don't care how long I have to wait in line for rush tickets with a hundred 20 something gay Brooklyn the musical lovers. It is going to happen, mark my words.

Experimenting with my flip video Ultra

Please note Erica's constant chip eating even while she's interviewing me. That girl can't stop.

And I'm back! In NJ.

I finished college, I graduated, I moved and now I'm living with my parents. I am so damn excited to be living in a clean house where you can see the kitchen counter that I'm constantly in a good mood. I'm on a veggie cooking kick and got some new cook books and slowly trying to convert my family into vegetarians. It is so not going to work, but it's worth a try.

In the mean time besides exercising and avoiding meat, I've been looking for a real job and posting my resume online. I really don't know what will come of it. But I need a job. In other news I un packed all my stuff and I will be recieving an ultra flip (it's a video camera) in the mail soon which means segments of Bonnie in the Kitchen (working title) will soon be under way! Get excited. I know I am! Honestly if you have any ideas or suggestions comment on this entry! I have a theme I think I'll stick to, but I'm interested in your comments too if you've gott'em!

Well I should get back to tweeking my resume to have as many optimal words as I can fit in it. By the time I'm done with it, it'll be exceptionally exceptional. Wish me luck.

What do skinny people think about?

Honestly. I look around at the skinny people and I wonder, how do they not finish everything that's on their plate? How do they curb the desire to eat a pizza from Mother Bears? I think I know the answer to this, they don't have that desire, but I don't understand it.

I'm trying to lose weight because I have consumed copious amounts of calories and what not this past week thanks to Little 500 celebrations. Finding time to exercise is tough, so I'll wait to get on that until after I graduate. But in the mean time I'm cutting off my chocolate and cookie consumption. And severely limiting my pizza intake as well. This will be no easy task, I know, but I'm trying to train myself to not to like the taste of the greasy fried stuff. I heard it can be done. If you go on a raw vegetable detox, supposedly afterward your body won't enjoy eating the yucky stuff because your body feels so much better when you feed it the healthy stuff. I don't know if this is true, but I definitely didn't like to drink coke as much after I stopped drinking it for two weeks and stuck to water. Maybe there is some truth to it. For now I'm on a salad kick because it is the healthiest thing I can order to eat in restaurants usually. And since I cut off all connections with the kitchen in my apartment, I can't prepare food for myself. :(

I cannot wait to get home. Lately I've been dreaming of being a domestic goddess. Or Nigella Lawson, which ever comes first. God I'd love an English accent. Oh well...

Mean while, in lala land

Feeling inadequate and under productive as-per-usual. Some girls dream about what their wedding will be like, I dream about my kitchen. If only I had a fully stocked, clean kitchen abundant with counter space and possibly an island. Is this too much to ask for? Well if you're an undergrad, yes. For now a girl can dream.

Top five things that will be in my dream kitchen:
1. Automated juicer that has a spout you could put a glass or measuring cup under
2. Crock pot
3. Food processor
4. Oven and broiler combo like the one on 30 minute meals
5. a fridge that is magically stocked with everything you could possibly need, but isn't incredibly cumbersome

Extreme Blog Makeover!

It is time for a make over. The bike was stolen, and I'm about to graduate college and enter the real world. The time for change is now. So now I just need to decided how to make over my blog... I'm thinking of prepping it for my in the kitchen with Bonnie webisodes. It's going to be great, just wait and see!

Oh, yeah I have a blog, don't I?

I'm horrible at maintaining this thing. It's ok though, because here I am writing another entry! Four and 1/2 weeks until I'm done with college. And I'm not freaking out. Still a lot of work to do, but that has yet to keep me from watching several episodes a day of Heros thanks to the Netflix gods. Lord only knows what I would do without them. I'm very focused on international news this semester. I'm on over load as per usual. Each semester varies between knowing everything that's going on in the news to not following the news at all. Which makes me wonder how many people were like me on my off semesters and don't follow the news, which is not good. Read what's happening beyond our border! It's important, if you don't agree with me- you're wrong! Ok so maybe a little much, didn't really mean to shove anything down your throat.

I got a subscription to the Economist which was a horrible idea. I can't stop reading about the demise of print publications, and yet I just bought a subscription, go figure. I don't get around to reading it, it's horrible I feel like such a horrible contribution to the environment. I am trying to be better! Promise!

Ok here I go trying to focus and finish the piles of work that have accumulated around me. Wish me luck!

Prepare for mass exitus to FL ready..set...

At the library. One more day until I leave for spring break! Sandy beaches of Destin, FL here I come. I am not very good at keeping up with my blog. The truth is I don't think anyone reads it and don't see why I should update it, there are so many means of communication. Maybe it's because I'm so journalism focused this semester, but I need a specific focus for this blog. What's my niche audience? Who am I appealing to? Hmm, maybe I'll figure this out while relaxing on the beach. Or maybe genius will strike when I'm passed out drunk. One never knows, does one?

In the mean time, I need to pack for my trip and prepare by making CDs for the long car ride and the like. I hope I don't forget anything. My mom shipped me my summer clothes so I'll have things to wear! Hopefully it'll be warm and sunny enough to wear all of it! It feels so cold here, anything warmer will be wonderful. Being at the beach is relaxing in general. So is drinking alcohol. So really, I can't go wrong here. Perfect.

Turns out I'm not getting my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow after all, what a mess, my mom and I figured out my insurance actually doesn't cover the procedure in Indiana.. I don't really understand. I understand insurance about as well as I understand all the crap we talk about in my business journalism class. Why did I do that to myself? Poor choice for the last semester of my senior year.

Now I have to be productive this weekend as opposed to lying around on the couch half there from all the crazy drugs I'd be on if I had my wisdom teeth removed. Ho hum, a sailor's bum.

Lately I've been feeling like I really want to be done with college and start the rest of my life, but I don't want to leave all my friends. I think I'm just frustrated because I don't have a car and I'm not really involved in anything this semester. I'm just a bum who is taking 18 credit hours and is always trying to avoid her homework. I'm just a little bit confused about life that's all, and I think by leaving Bloomington I'll be able to gain some clarity. Of course it's possible I wont and then I don't know where I'll be.

I hear two French girls speaking French (go figure) and I really wanted to be like "Are you from France?!" But then I realized how weird that would make me sound, and I don't know how the conversation would go on from there. I just thought that was cool, I never hear people around campus speaking French, of course now that I'm back from Paris I hear it everywhere. It's haunting me. It's saying Bonnie- I'll always be hanging around here in an obscure part of your brain, and I'm like get the hell out if you're not going to be useful, I could use that space for more important things like trying to figure out what the hell we're talking about in my business journalism class.

So I realized I need to be vegetarian before I jump to veganism. I wish I had thought of that before I tried to go straight for it, oh well you live you learn. At least now I have antibiotic for my infection around my wisdom tooth now. It still hurts when I chew, but what am I gonna do? I'm getting all my wisdom teeth out soon! Then no more tooth problems, woo! Too bad I can't eat or drink anything before the surgery...

Slumdog, Skinny Bitch

It took me an extra month, but I decided to make a New Year resolution. I'm going to start a new diet. Mainly because I felt disgusting today. Maybe it was because I decided to reward myself for walking through the snow and ice to school by buying myself two donuts and a coffee. Probably not the best way to start a sleep deprived morning. Also I tried to cook some chicken for lunch and it was the worst chicken I've ever cooked. I was crabby to the max and decided it was time for a change, that's about when I discovered the book Skinny Bitch and ordered it on Amazon... The problem is now I have to wait till Tuesday to read the book and start the diet. I did manage to read the first five pages online so now I guess I'll just start a pre diet diet to kind of warm me up, you know, get me ready to go full steam a head dieting. So from now on no more coffee, soda, cigarettes, or alcohol. I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be having ice cream or sweets like that either, so I'll just do my best to stay away. Simple right? I don't smoke, so that's easy. I can be D.D. this weekend, no problem. It's just the coffee. That is my only weekness. Although in Paris when I hadn't yet grown a taste for esspresso, I would go days with out it. So I know I have it in me! There is faith yet!

Keep sipping on your water with lemon wedges. You can do this.

Snow day, huzzah hurray!

Today is one of those wonderful days when you wake up and realize the next four hours of your schedule is magically freed, and you didn't have to drudge through the snow and ice to figure it out! Today would have been a lot less magical if I didn't check my email when I woke up this morning. It always sucks when something is canceled and you don't realize it until you've already put in all the effort to get where ever you're going. Now I have the apartment to myself, I'm clean and showered and watching Frasier while drinking my coffee. Perfect? I think so. Although I do have to go to my one class that's after 12 p.m. and work later.

I know exactly what to do to make this day even more perfect. I'll cook an awesome lunch for myself since I have all these herbs and parsley from making crab cakes this weekend.

This feels a little to perfect. Something is bound to go wrong here... ha ha no, that's impossible.

Stand by for further updates.

Inauguration filtration awesomenation

Today I am fairly certain I watched CNN for about half the time I was awake. The funny thing is I thought I wasn't going to be able to see the inauguration at all because I had classes during the day which hadn't been canceled, but I actually spent the entirety of my second class watching President Obama being sworn in and giving his inaugural speech. Of course when we were watching the speech in Business Journalism we had to note when he mentioned business and the state of the economy so watching the inauguration could somehow be related to class. After about 4 hours of watching the television- at about 5 min after the parade started I realized I could only watch a car moving at a snail's pace for so long and decided to try to be productive. I don't think I really felt the full magnitude of the awesome moment in history I just witnessed.

Some day I know I'll realize it, and I'll probably wish I had watched that car creep down the street the length of the parade route.

The first week of school is almost over and I'm already worn out. The first week is suppose to be the easiest one, not the one that sets your head spinning. I've already had one paper I've forgotten to turn in and three text book chapters to read. And the first week isn't even over yet! What the hell is going on? I will definitely be making a trip to the library this weekend. This isn't fair! It's my last semester as a college student and I'm barely staying a float. Why do I get the feeling it's going to be a stressful semester. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it's going to be an inverse pyramid semester. I doubt it. Probably more like a thick long rectangle because the work load will never lighten up. This incredibly cold weather is putting a cramp in my usually positive demeanor. At least I am one class away from the weekend. Which isn't that big of a relief since I'll be reading and researching for most of it. Ok enough, only two things can get me out of my horrible stinky mood. Chocolate and 30Rock. Maybe a pizza too? No! I can't completely loose control of some semblance of a diet every time I am feeling overwhelmed or stressed or I'll end up looking like a beached whale when I'm on spring break. Deep breathes. That's the key.

Deep breathes and chocolate.

Getting ready to go back to school. It feels particularly odd this time. Probably because the last time I started a semester at IU was a year ago. I also don't know what the apartment I'll be living in looks like. I'm sure it'll be nice, I just feel oddly overwhelmed so my reaction of course is to do nothing at all. But I should do Laundry. That would be a good start, not too involved, but a lot of progress would be made on the packing front. Now that I'm back to watching television on a television, I think I'll go do that for a while until it's time to put the clothes in the dryer. What a riveting life I lead, can you stand it? I can't.