Moving on, wait where do I go?

I realized something recently, I need energy, positive energy! It's so easy for me to go to Sad Grumpy Land now a days, and the rain isn't helping. I think the key to unleashing this ball of positive energy I keep under lock down is ... exercise! I definitely don't get enough of it. It would be a great solution to my constantly-wanting-to-eat syndrome and sweet cravings. It would offer a distraction and it doesn't have to cost much. I can run in the park, and until the rain clears up I have 4 more dance classes left on my Steps dance card and there's also Yoga to the People.

Other things that would help: waking up before noon, getting out of my bedroom before 2pm, not getting sucked into watching TV shows online or on dvd. But most of all I need to stop comparing myself to other people; A little kernel of knowledge my parents shared with me this weekend. And when I felt moisture starting to swell up in my eyes after I realized that they hit on something major. It drives me crazy, honestly it's what I think about almost all the time. Sitting in a room filled with over a hundred girls for over 2 hours waiting to sing 8 bars in front of three people who will make a snap decision about you, I can't stop comparing myself to everyone else there. I look at their resumes, filled with credits, they're not afraid to let people see all of the fabulous projects they got to work on. Then I get all woe-as-me, why would they ever choose me, and I really don't want to be that person! I don't want to be comforted and I don't want to have to go home and eat my emotions, which I am really excellent at by the way.

It kills myself esteem, it's not healthy for me, it's not helping. What makes it worse is after these auditions, I have no job to run to, or errands to run, or anything else to distract me from just lingering on how the audition went, what I could have done better, and the fact that I got rejected, again. That needs to change. Today I'm hoping to change that, I'm determined to actually. It's going to happen, I'm going to find a money job and get the hell out of this room!

I sound so sad, I didn't use to feel like this all the time. I need to lighten the hell up.