decisions, delusions

I am currently vacationing at my summer home. And by summer home I mean my parent's house in Jersey. My vacay was interrupted slightly by Ms. Hurricane Irene, but luckily no damage was done to my area in-particular.

More troublesome to my relaxing vacay than the storm system is all the anxiety I feel while trying to make a couple important decisions. Well, they feel very important to me. Certainly not earth shattering to most people. Let me fill you in: I got cast in Pirates of Penzance at Fiddlehead Theater Co., here's the catch, I thought I'd get a weekly stipend but I wouldn't and I need to find my own housing. I'm having a really hard time deciding if I am either:

A.) Turning into one of those people who starts to sabotage themselves so they can't truly succeed.

Or

B.) Ignoring a strong gut feeling/instinct that I should listen to and will really make me happy in the end.

Here is what I know- It has been a very long time since I was cast in a real musical, it has been a long time since I last performed in a full stage production. In every senario I can possibly work out in my head I will be losing money from pursuing this endeavor. I can't really afford to lose money right now. I keep dreaming about imporv.

More scary still, here are the unkowns: I don't know if I will get cast in anything when I move back to New York.

That is a pretty big unknown. Here's one more: I don't know if the experience of doing this show will help me or hurt me.

The more I think about it the more I have subconsciously decided that I don't think I can do this show. And I know at first after officially making that decision I will feel a wave of relief and then regret and possibly I'll have a fire under my butt flaming a-new with the requirement that I book a show in order to fill this ugly void.

Before I decide I'm going to have to do some number crunching and online horoscope searching, because lets face it, I need some help in making this decision.