I quit my job. That was a while ago. It was time to leave. Now I'm back on the job hunt which is frustrating and irritating at best. I got a speeding ticket too, that really stinks because I have no day job to pay it off with.

I am working part time though. I sell tickets to the old and senile. I wonder how much longer I'll be able to stand living in New Jersey. I have a feeling it might be for under a year. I'm scared of being sucked into the vortex of living at home. I don't think that's possible for me since I can barely stand it at the moment. I have been so indecisive lately. I can't figure out what I want to do with myself right now. It's more frustrating than it sounds. I'm suppose to be enjoying my summer but instead I've been stressed out and have not visited the beach nearly as often as I'd intended. I have no tan, which isn't that surprising with my pale skin, but I should at least look partially red by now. I am just pale. It's the end of July and I'm frustrated and pale. This is not how it was suppose to go. I don't really know how it was suppose to go.

I shouldn't be writing this blog now, I'm tired and lagging sufficient sustinance. I ate a brownie for lunch and I'm still hungry. Problem. It's a beautiful day outside and I'm stuck inside on a Saturday. Problem.

I think I need to dive off the deep end. I've been too wishy-washy for far too long. Maybe I'm waiting for something, maybe something is coming and I'm suppose to wait for it to hit me and see the next step of where I'm suppose to go.

Maybe not.

In recovery

Finally! The Internet! I have been waiting for this. I have been sitting in the house on my butt for two days recovering from my wisdom teeth surgery without access to the internet or any decent Netflix rentals to watch at home. Of course. Just my luck.

On the other hand, I have discovered my mother's secret talent. All these years she has been holding out on me. That woman can make one hell of a delicious smoothie/shake. Thank god, because that is all I have been eating for the past two days with the exception of the occasional soup.

I think the Percocet is making me sentimental because I decided it would be a great idea to buy the first season of Felicity. A stroke of brilliance really. I forgot how much I loved watching TV shows about young women trying to find their identity amidst a backdrop which so perfectly captures the essence of 90s pop culture (vis a vis My So Called Life, come on, you know exactly what I'm talking about). Granted in the beginning Felicity does show severe signs of stocker-itis, but she's just trying to find out where she fits in, in this great big world of oversized knit sweaters, pig tails and butterfly hair clips. I mean, can you really blame her? I am almost nostalgic for the days of telephones with spiraled cords and the occasional beeper. It made checking your voice mail so much more exciting when you couldn't tell who called you. Not to mention prank calling games were more successful.

Who am I kidding, I just barely survived sans Internet access for merely two days before the fix-it guy stopped by this morning. The damage has been done, the jury's out: I'm a wired girl for life. But that doesn't mean I can't bust out an old pair of worn doc martins and reminisce.

Wait, this isn't what I ordered

I must admit I have been busy lately. Be careful what you wish for. I have a job (although it's temporary) and possibly another part-time one on the way. Yet I still feel almost as hopeless as I did when I was without a job and stranded at my house. I sit at a desk by myself, people only walk by on their way to the printer in the back. I usually have nothing to do and decide my time would be better spent online shopping. This is a bad decision. Spending the money whilst I earn it. Is that irony? More like inconvenience.

Also to waste time while I'm at work I read books.

I'm currently in the middle of 5 books.

I don't know what caused my book reading hysteria. They're not even in the same medium. Two paper books, one I read on my iTouch, and two are audiobooks. It's totally irrational and I can't get myself to do anything about it. Fortunately I'm nearly finished with two. There are litterally 5 books sitting on my night stand. Maybe I'm subconsciously feeling book deprived since I no longer work in a library. I wish that was my job. I hate what I'm doing, which is nothing, that is until my supervisor remembers I'm back here and orders me to do some random task like organize the mess that is their office. And the 50 something year old "intern" who I periodically share this office with can't stop speaking all of her thoughts out loud. She is freaked out today because she thinks life is too short and she's going to die soon because one of her co-workers passed away. Clearly I need a new job.

God this post sounds so sad. I don't think of myself as sad or depressed. I just decided to get two big chocolate chip cookies and a mocha latte at Panera because it seemed like a good idea and I heard someone say they were having a special on it. It's not like I'm an emotional eater who can't even keep her keyboard clean because she always manages to get crumbs all over it. Honestly. I clean it every day because I take care of my belongings.

Maybe I should just get one more cookie for the road. I do have a long drive home. And I won't be able to eat anything like this for a while since I'm getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow. See? I clearly do not have a problem.

I think a new ice cream shop just opened up my house.. maybe I can try it when I get home.

I keep telling myself I'm going to update this thing and then when I finally make it up stairs to my room, I'm too tired to do anything else but sync my iPod and fall asleep! I need those Podcasts for the trips to and from work, don't ya know!

This is going to have to wait another day. There is hope for tomorrow! Hope that I won't get a speeding ticket and will not be bored and in solitude at work. But more on that later.

The time has come to catch Zs.

When you least expect it

I have spent weeks sitting alone in my house job searching with disappointing results. Monday I finally decided it would be good to get out of the house and do something else for a change, so I went to my sister's 7th grade classroom and helped her finish some end of term busy work. That night I went into the city to see my friend Cara. She created this piece of theater called Better Not Touch That and hosted a party to raise money for the show which will go up in the Fall. My friend Erica and I went to the benefit at this cool little bar called The Living Room in the east village after getting tapas at this great little cuban place (of course that was not nearly enough to satisfy Erica and I's appetite so we had to grab some late-night sushi after the show). A couple of great blue grass bands played which were sporadically joined by this awkward kind-of-hipster-crowd-dancing couple unfortunately. Fortunately, I drank enough that I didn't care, anyways I was so happy to have an excuse to go into the city.

Low and behold the next day I get a call with a job offer, for a job that starts tomorrow. Weird how these things work. It's so obvious now; you have to get out and forget about your day to day work every once in while. I think job searching is like watching water boil, it wont happen until you step away and leave it alone for a little while.