Moving on, wait where do I go?

I realized something recently, I need energy, positive energy! It's so easy for me to go to Sad Grumpy Land now a days, and the rain isn't helping. I think the key to unleashing this ball of positive energy I keep under lock down is ... exercise! I definitely don't get enough of it. It would be a great solution to my constantly-wanting-to-eat syndrome and sweet cravings. It would offer a distraction and it doesn't have to cost much. I can run in the park, and until the rain clears up I have 4 more dance classes left on my Steps dance card and there's also Yoga to the People.

Other things that would help: waking up before noon, getting out of my bedroom before 2pm, not getting sucked into watching TV shows online or on dvd. But most of all I need to stop comparing myself to other people; A little kernel of knowledge my parents shared with me this weekend. And when I felt moisture starting to swell up in my eyes after I realized that they hit on something major. It drives me crazy, honestly it's what I think about almost all the time. Sitting in a room filled with over a hundred girls for over 2 hours waiting to sing 8 bars in front of three people who will make a snap decision about you, I can't stop comparing myself to everyone else there. I look at their resumes, filled with credits, they're not afraid to let people see all of the fabulous projects they got to work on. Then I get all woe-as-me, why would they ever choose me, and I really don't want to be that person! I don't want to be comforted and I don't want to have to go home and eat my emotions, which I am really excellent at by the way.

It kills myself esteem, it's not healthy for me, it's not helping. What makes it worse is after these auditions, I have no job to run to, or errands to run, or anything else to distract me from just lingering on how the audition went, what I could have done better, and the fact that I got rejected, again. That needs to change. Today I'm hoping to change that, I'm determined to actually. It's going to happen, I'm going to find a money job and get the hell out of this room!

I sound so sad, I didn't use to feel like this all the time. I need to lighten the hell up.

Everything's up in the air

It's been a little while since I wrote a new entry and lots has been going on over in these here parts, so buckle in and stay focused as I bring this rusty old thing up to speed.

I was working full time at Modell's Sporting Goods, but I quit a week and a half ago because I didn't have anytime to audition for shows, now I am currently unemployed, still living in my cute little apt on the upper west side very rapidly snowballing towards being dead broke.

The only reason I am still unemployed is my boyfriend David stayed with me for his Spring Break (along with a whole gaggle of IU Theatre students, except they weren't staying in my teeny apartment with me-thank god.) so I didn't have time to job search. We did lots of fun theater kid stuff like seeing tons of shows. We visited my house in NJ, went to an extended family gathering and tried to not spend all our money on alcohol. He just left Monday, and suddenly reality is smacking me square in the face. It's looking at me with a devilish smirk and saying "I hope you know what you're doing, failure can and very well might happen." Of course I try to focus my attention elsewhere so I don't end up with too many empty containers of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food in my garbage.

I just finished my improv class and had a couple of promising auditions, with many more to come in the next couple of weeks hopefully. It is so bizarre not waking up in the morning and going to work all day. It's a quarter to one and I'm still in my PJs, it's just insanity. It is so easy for me to get down on myself. Even though I have been really productive in the past two days. I found some work I can do, in April albeit.

I think I don't know what to focus on. I was going to go to an audition this morning and yesterday morning but I couldn't pull myself out of bed to go to either of them. Which makes me feel like a waste of space when I wake up hours later. Then it goes downhill from there, I watch a couple episodes of Gilmore Girls, sit in my room with the light off and sneak into the kitchen to make breakfast because I don't want to run into one of my roommates and talk to them about how I'm home now because I left my job so I can pursue my acting career. I just know they're probably thinking, oh sh*t she's probably not going to be able to pay her rent now, even though I will be able to pay rent on time, because I have to, I just need to make it to the kitchen and have some coffee first.

Ok I think I figured out a game plan. I need to find motivation and prioritize. #1 find way to make money so you are not so stressed you can't wake up in the morning. So that is what I will focus on today! Finding another job which could start immediately, specifically looking at waitressing/hostessing positions. #2 Practice your audition pieces so the four auditions you have written out for next week will go smoothly and I'll have no excuses for missing out on them.

Also it's probably a good idea to set a wake up time for days when I don't have anything to do in the morning just so I don't feel like a slovenly mess in the morning because that can kill my motivation for the day.

Ok that is more than enough for one blog post. it is now time for me to go out and seize the day! More to come soon. Now that I don't have a steady job, I really have no excuse for not writing.

Well, here I am!

So I have been so busy starting two new classes, finding things for my new apartment, moving in to my apartment that I never really finished my whole finding an apartment story. So I'll give it to you short and sweet. In true fairy-tale style the third apartment I looked at ended up to be the one. It's a great neighborhood, near parks and all kinds of stores and restaurants and bars and people that I have yet to think are anything other than normal. Four bedrooms with smarty pants Columbia grad students, me being the "professional" because I have a full time day job... hilarious in a word, that I am the professional in this scenario. So two weeks later and two minivans full of my life later, here I am sitting in the piece of Manhattan I managed to carve out for myself. It's funny how so many people live on such a tiny island, it's really overwhelming to me -how many people live here that I have to force myself to stop thinking about everyone else and focus on myself, because otherwise I'd getting nothing done and just sit in a corner eating chocolate and watching Gilmore Girls till someone finds my bloated smelly body.

Moving on. It's only been two days and already I can't believe how much free time I have. I just don't know what to do with myself. I almost want to do absolutely nothing so I can remember what it feels like. I watch endless amounts of TV online and think of all the things I can do that are free, because I have no money until I get paid on Friday which, might I add, are very few during winter time when you feel like you might lose a finger from frostbite when you walk outside. So far, I've got: take a yoga class at Yoga to the People, watch TV online and eat everything in my fridge. This of course is idiotic because you will soon be hungry again and need to buy more groceries. Oh and there's always read a book. If only I belonged to a gym...or it was warm enough to run outside.. or I owned work out dvds... Then I could feel better about eating everything in my fridge. I guess the brainstorming session will need to continue. Until next time.

Sincerely,

Poor new New Yorker

Here I go!

I'm moving out! Two weeks into the new year and I can tell this is going to be a really exciting one. Generally speaking it seems like it will be a who-knows-what's-next fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of year, but in a good way. Starting with figuring out where the heck I'm gonna live, because it sure as hell wasn't gonna be at my parents house for much longer. It's funny how time seems to go by so slowly but when I look back, things were happening pretty rapidly. And that's the way I like it.

I officially started my apartment hunting last Saturday (thank you Craigslist). I am now an expert finder of red flags. Anyone who just lists their number is creepy, never trust any picture you see, even when they look amature. Scammers apparently have horrible grammar. Which doesn't make any sense. But I guess that's why they're a craigslist scammer and have never moved on to more professional, high profile scams. Am I right or am I right? In strictly my opinion- the ones that sound like you might have written them yourself are the ones that are most promising. Would you write NO Tv NO drugs NO alcohol for all your potential roommates to see? You my as well say don't ever expect to have fun or enjoy living here. Chances are you wouldn't be able to stand them either.

Now I am a wise craigslist browser, and it didn't take long for me to learn. This week I saw three apartments, Tuesday, Wed, Thurs. I have a feeling this is going to sound a bit like Goldie locks and the three bears which is kind of how I felt in general, looking for a place in ny. Me the young vulnerable girl from Jersey and New York - a bear of a city that could very well eat you alive or suck your life savings out from under you before you realize it.

Anyhow, Tuesday afternoon comes and my sister and I take the 1 up to 86th street. I really like that area of the city, there are shops around and I know people who live close by. As my sister and I made it up the 6th flight of stairs when we realized that was either cat piss or bad Indian food we were smelling and I began to feel apprehensive. I rang the door bell and an older black man opened the door, I tried to introduce myself but he didn't seem to notice I was talking, instead he motioned to what was the bathroom and continued to watch sports center as if his life depended on it. The place was dirty, there was a mop by the bath tub and the place had obviously not been renovated in the slightest from the '50s. It took about 10 seconds for me and my sister to get the hell out of there, meanwhile in my head I'm being my paranoid self, running through every way this guy could decide to abduct us or murder us, hello CSI: NY.

The next day a friend and I checked out a place farther north on the West side near Columbia. It was very nearly Versailles compared to what I had witnessed the night before. Hard wood floors, a bathroom with out a mop, and no creepy dude. Definitely a step up but I still had to see other potentials in order to make a final decision, I don't want to make a rash decision just because I happened to see a slightly terrifying option to start with.

This post is getting entirely too long. More on the apartment search in my next post.

I'm sure you're wrapped with intrigue.

One last post of 2009

I just watched Julie and Julia and decided to stop neglecting this beautiful blog I made many moons ago.

Lots has changed since my last posting. I have a job, I'm not miserable, I lost some weight and there's snow on the ground. I think that pretty much sums up my progression in life thus far.

It is Christmas for 3 more minutes.

Tomorrow I will be hitting the shops at Freehold Raceway Mall with my trusty shopping companion- my mother. I am in search of snow boots and a better ski/winter jacket in preparation for my trip to Chicago/Michigan! I could not be happier to escape the east coast. After some less-than-perfect commuting experiences (yes I'm talking about you, NJ Transit) and fighting through the manic bustle of midtown Manhattan at Christmas time I would love nothing more than to be trapped in a cabin in the woods. I usually am adverse to the idea of that kind of seclusion. I mean if some wack-a-doodle comes on over and decides to recreate a couple of scenes from the movie Scream, no one will hear me scream. Sound reasoning, I know. If I could escape paranoia, I would, but until then this is what I have to deal with.

I am also paranoid my luggage will be lost since my sister (who jumped the pond to England for Christmas with her English hubby) had her luggage misplaced by the airlines and as a result has to dress in her mother-in-laws' stand-bys. Clearly I must learn my lesson and precautionary steps must be taken in my packing efforts.

Goal: Fit everything for a week in very cold, wintery climate into one carry on bag.

Reality: Never gonna happen. Must face my fear of losing luggage with a couple extra pairs of underpants stashed in my purse.

What I'm actually worried about more than not getting my luggage when I get off the plane is the trouble I might face getting on the plane, meaning security might be more strict and generally annoying now that this bozo decided to commit an act of terrorism on a flight to Detroit.

I don't mean to end on a downer.

Watch, the trip will be easy as pie and I won't run into one complication on my journey.

We'll see.