It's so cold in my room, definitely need to get dad to take out the air conditioning unit out of my window. Today was long. And I totally bombed my audition. But I learned a couple things
1) warm up before you audition even if it's 5 in the morning
2) don't use a song you haven't practiced with an accompanist or voice teacher no matter how well it applies to what they're casting.

(sleepy time)

So I was way too freakin' tired this morning after getting very little sleep the past couple of nights and didn't go to either of the EPAs I was planning on hitting up. I'm really pissed at myself but I'm calming myself down, telling myself that I have a lot of other things I can get done today that will help my career also. Like submitting online for film auditions finding songs to work on and washing my work clothes. Not all is lost. Maybe even some things were saved. Now Breakfast.

Serious chocolate craving subsided. Really productive day, I feel like things are falling into place for me finally. Somehow I've become comfortable with being frugal, before not spending money made me feel like I was trapped in a box that was closing in on me. Maybe I figured out how to distract myself. Or maybe I'm more focused on auditioning and acting class which is making me a happier person. I like to think that's the reason.

I cannot wait until this Saturday morning when I get to have Brunch finally! I'm so use to working it myself that I just won't know what to do with myself, I'll probably get drunk on mimosas and nap until work that night.

Note to self: remember you have a blog and should update it just for your mental health, because you're really the only one who reads it anyways, let's be real.

Everyday is turning into a double shift day and I think it's starting to wear. Of course it is, I have 3 jobs, what was I thinking? It's not like I have a golden lasso or anything. But I'm so happy to be doing scene work and pretending to me a real actor again, it's fun! And being around a bunch of theater people keeps me motivated. I'm still having a hard time buying food for myself. I just never know what to eat/my fridge is a mess and filled with crap my roommates have made and some stuff seriously needs to be thrown out, and it's not like I'm about to dive into that task soon. There aren't any great take out places around me either. I don't understand what happened to me, I use to love to cook and make things, now I'm just lazy I guess. Ok, putting together a list now: cheese for grilled cheese, lettuce and tomato for salad and what the hell, and onion and cucumber too. That'll do for today, since I'll be working from tonight through the weekend non stop probs. Don't even get me started on the gym. It's so hard for me to get there three times a week, I'm so mad at myself. Maybe I should cancel it and just try to go to dance classes. Maybe I should declare one day that is always my day off work... maybe it should be wednesday. There are a lot of maybes in the last few sentences.

Need to refocus. Current goals: Book summer stock musical theater. Make/Save more money. These two things don't really go hand in hand. I need to pay for classes in order to better my odds of getting cast, but if I keep spending money how can save it?

Blarg. The decision making process continues.

Home for the day, so nice to have extra space to jump around in. Made pancakes for my big girl friend Meggie before her 2nd day of working in the real world. Congratulations on growing up!

It's funny but I feel like my brother always puts my career bluntly in perspective for me. When I come home he always asks if I'm going to be on Broadway yet and yesterday when he picked me up from the train station he goes: So have you been going to a lot of auditions? And I reply well I went to one last week and he goes One? And laughs out loud. His social awkwardness aside, he has a point. Who am I kidding? What can I expect to accomplish if I don't constantly audition. Thanks David, who knew you were such a career coach. He also suggested I use You Tube to become popular. I should start paying him a commission.

Looking forward to starting acting classes and scene work again. Now I need to get into research/reading mode to find scenes I want to work on. I went to this seminar the other week and the leader kept saying "Research is sexy" because really, as actors if you want to be successful, you have to do a lot of it. I like that saying. RESEARCH IS SEXY! Turn me on Inter-webz!

Learning to shop all over again

Exhausted. I hate thinking about money, but it's nearly impossible to avoid. Lately when I start to get too wound up I make myself read a book so I can become distracted by something else. All I'm doing is worrying and that's not going to help. I know it'll work out fine, and I'm sick of feeling stressed and pressured.

I bought a new pair of work shoes on zappos.com the other day. Besides the fact that I love online shopping, I seriously was in need of an up-grade. If I don't have good support on my footsies, I'm gonna end up with a whole lot more of those ugly-ass spider veins. And my $20 Payless solution for work shoes are not getting the job done ne'mo. I can't believe they lasted as long as they did to begin with.

Honestly, for all the shopping potential that NYC holds, I don't find the idea of going out and shopping here that appealing because you have to travel from store to store. Like walk a couple blocks, mind the crazies and possible ride the bus/subway. And it's probably gonna be crowded. It's time like these I long for the mega-absolutely-enormous-malls of New Jersey.

But I made a list of what I will be accomplishing on my day off, and I'm most excited about getting a library card! I hope it's not too difficult. I have this feeling it is going to be just that. Only time will tell I suppose.

In other news, I think I've mastered the art of grocery shopping for myself. Let me tell you it was oddly harder than it should have been. I'm so use to living in a house where there are tons of mouths to feed. I learned grocery shopping from my mom and she was buying for a house full of mouths. But me, I'm just one person and I'm only eating at my apartment 2 days out of the week probably. So I decided to adopt a more "European" way of shopping if you will. If I have the day off and know I will be eating at home, I go to the store that day to buy whatever I will be able to ingest that one day. It sounds so idiotically simple, but honestly it took me a little while to figure it out, a couple moldy boxes of strawberries, 2 rotten peaches to be exact. Also, I blame the super market with their 3 for $5 deals and such. I think I'm getting a bargain but really I'm watching my money rot because I don't end up eating it all, those sneaky buggers.

Well in the words of the ever wise Alanis, you live, you learn, you adopt French habits. Ok that last part was my own addition, but you get the idea.